Since the start of the school year, murmurs have rumbled around JLA, rapidly making their way through our esteemed student body. JLA students are of the observant kind, so theories on some of our campus’s uncertainties have surfaced. One such theory that has become popular primarily among our upperclassmen is the ever-debated true identity of our beloved high school principal, Mr. Judd Shapiro. I believe that after careful consideration and keen observation, I have found near-definitive proof of Mr. Shapiro’s assumed alter-ego: Batman.
It all began as an inside joke within the high school, where many people took note of Mr. Shapiro’s deep voice and his keen ability to suddenly appear behind anyone at any given point. These specific qualities began raising suspicion around the school, earning many comparisons to Gotham’s Caped Crusader. These were mere coincidences, though, just funny little details that happen to resemble the beloved comic book character. However, if just this was it, then there would be no reason to write there’s article, so allow me to delve deeper into this conspiracy.
Bruce Wayne, supposedly Batman, is known to be around 6’2” to 6’4”. Our beloved principal stands at about 6’4” as well, which is not far off from the Dark Knight. Judd Shapiro, similar to the Caped Crusader, has a very menacing frame, intimidating those walking past the halls. His keen sense of justice is to be noted: always maintaining order at the school, similar to how Batman keeps the streets of Gotham City clean of any crime. On a related note, have we not made the connection just yet? Gotham City starts with an oddly familiar letter. You know what else starts with G? Gulliver. And where is Mr. Shapiro from? Gulliver. Bruce Wayne is also known to be quite the intelligent individual, and a bit of a polyglot too. Mr. Shapiro is actually part Japanese and can speak the language fluently. Coach Martinez was able to contribute a quote when asked about this topic: “I was shocked too, trust me… I’ve known Shap since I was 11 years old. I never even knew he was Japanese until I was about 18 or 19.”
Coach Martinez also mentioned how Mr. Shapiro has looked the same since he met him over a decade ago. Mr. Shapiro has been coaching soccer for over thirty years as well, and he doesn’t look like stopping anytime soon. The body of an older gentleman yet the mental sharpness and physical resistance of a young man. Immortal, perhaps? A bit of a stretch, and that’s a different argument. My theory? His years of training and practical experience in the field has kept him sharp both in the mind and in the body. Another piece of evidence to this unraveling threat. However, if this is not enough irrefutable evidence that Mr. Judd Shapiro is Batman, then I have one more question to pose to you, the readers.
Has anyone noticed that we have not yet seen Mr. Shapiro and Batman in the same room? Precisely, my fellow detectives. It’s truly elementary. The comparisons are all there on the table, but the decision is yours as to what you may believe. And if you are reading this, Batman/Mr. Shapiro: We know your secret.
